last week i had one of those weeks where you belive that you can single handedly conquer the world… and then you get down to it, fail miserably and feel terribly. I was trying to be utterly amazing on all fronts, insane amounts of excercise, insane amounts of revision and attending all my lectures and doing life stuff… well i failed! but it was ok… if i hadnt aimed so high i would have been pleased with what i had managed.

this week i decided to be more realistic and i managed 5 spinning classes, 1 gym session, trampolining and 2 swims. i was really pleased

I had the immense good fortune to randomly run into one of the adult fitness swimming session coaches. he told me that there are lots of extra sessions this year. I am definately going to go next week kind of looking forward to it but really scared too!

I am going to be having another attempt at the channel next summer (2009), I am still not 100% sure that this is the right thing to do – i think that mostly i am afraid of failure and also am nervous about the amount of work that i know the preparation will entail.

Since the summer i have not swum, initially i was really disheartened and then i got into the pattern of not doing it and feeling apprehensice about it. I have been focusing on bringing up my fitness to a decent level and have given myself a deadline that in January i will start swimming again properly.

At the moment i am slightly addicted to excercise, i go to about 4 spinning classes a week, trampolining once a week and try to fit in as many gym sessions as i can (normally 2-4). I feel much more energetic and think that my fitness is at an ok level now. I aim to continue to use the gym lots next year and fit my swimming in arround that (and my studies)

My swim is booked for the week of the 28th of July with the same pilot as last year (since he was really nice)

after my swim i am trying to be really healthy and loose all my channel insulation… i have been going on short (and when i say short sadly i really do mean short!) runs with my dad (and now on my own) most days and as of saturday (yes only 2 days ago) i have given up sugar again… it is making me really really grumpy! (am worried that it is so hard… but it makes me more determined to do it)

last night i joined my friends in the sea for a quick dip… it was wonderful! how i have missed swimming – it had been almost a week! (i had been being vvv good and revising lots but last night took a short break for some freshair and excercise so i would sleep…. well thats my excuse anyway!)

it was a gorgous evening and the sea was lovely and warm. i got out after about 30 mins when my goggles broke because i saw it as a sign… cant wait to get back to it properly in september.

one of my friends said such a lovley thing today, she said that my attempt wasnt a failed attempt it was just an attempt cut short…. really like that

four days after the swim and am feeling much more cheerful, thanks mainly to the wonderful support i have recieved from so many people who make me feel like swimming for just under 11 hours was a real acheivement.

Regarding the swim, it was a massive adventure and i thoroughly enjoyed 9.5 hours of it and that is a lot of enjoyment! initially i couldnt have asked for a nicer day and everyone on board was so lovely then and after.

I walked into uni today along the path by the sea and i realised that i was massivly craving swimming again so i will go later and i know that i will enjoy it! all in all i feel that i have had an adventure and that sometime in the future i will be sure to have another one!

I assume that the point where it veers sharply back towards England is when we have stopped the swim and started back home

it was quite an emotional week and i am still feeling v emotional so will probably add to this later. 

on sunday Freda told me that it didnt look likely that i would swim that week, i was really upset and may have been slightly bratty to my poor friends and family.

the best bit of the week was meeting maggie finally, she has been so encouraging and funny online that it was amazing to meet her, we swam together both days of the weekend and then met to swim on tuesday, i definetly had hat envy…. she had such a lovely rainbow coloured hat and mine is all boring and silver…

on thursday my pilot, eric, rang to say that the weather predicted for friday was not looking good with strong wind coming in at 4pm, i asked about going in the night and was told that that would be ok and we would leave at 8 it was all totally hectic then with my dad enroute from his work in london (with his phone turned off) will dashing down madly and me trying to get some last minute rest. i was so excited but then we arrived at the harbour (minus my dad who was stuck in traffic) and it was called off becuase some unexpected wind had come and was making really big white peaks in the waves. i felt really guilty that will had driven for 2 hours to get there too…. i was so miserable and was a complete brat (crying and foot stamping) but my family and andy and chris were lovely to me and i got so many supportive messages from all my friends, especially chris P and Rob who phoned me, that i started to feel better.

the next day we went down for 9am i didnt feel excited or anything cos i didnt beleive that i would actually get in the water. but apparently the predicted wind had dissapeared from the predictions and the water was as flat as a flat thing.  i knew that maggie and rob were both swimming that day too so it was nice to think of them.

it started off wonderfully – i was having so much fun, i really enjoyed swimming alongside the boat and seeing the smilling faces of andy, chris, my dad, fran the lovely observer and lee the crewman, it was exciting having so much attention and everyone was happy cos it was all sunny. the water was really warm too (apparently 17 degrees) and the sky was virtually cloudless.

the first few hours were great, feeds went well (longer than anticipated but ok) i embarrased myself lots by burping v loudly after the first one but luckily everyone found it funny also slightly embarrasing was the fact that about 5 minutes into the swim my left breast had popped out, because i was so greased up i didnt want to pop it back so i just kept going, at the first feed i forgot about this so was happily floating on my back…. noone said anything or appeared to mind i just remembered halfway throught the second hour, but then i thought that everyone had already seen it and didnt seem to mind so i just carried on.

there were some patches of seawead that were pretty gross and lots of jellys but luckily they didnt come to investigate me

a few hours in the wind picked up, it looked more wavey but i was still having lots of fun and the only difference for me was that i got more waves in my mouth. i later found out that poor andy wasnt v well for most of the trip.

i decided not to bother counting the hours but thought i had done about 7, when i asked i had actually done nine and a half. sadly that was when eric told me that it wasnt looking good, i wasnt making enough progress and the tide was going to turn soon and take me further from france, i said that i wasnt going to quit and we agreed to see how it went and that i was to go a little bit faster. i felt pretty miserable then, (and skipped my feed) and stopped enjoying myself i started to think about how much it meant to me and that i couldnt fail at 10 hours!!!! i had really wanted to swim until i couldnt swim any more or until i got to france and i still had plenty of hours left in me. 30 mins later eric said that it really wasnt good. i refused to quit and proceeded to cry loudly as i swam (which probably slowed me down considerably and filled my goggles up) 30 mins later chris showed me the bottle but i shook my head and kept on swimming because i think i knew i would be asked to stop if i stoped for a feed. then the boat stopped and i knew i couldnt be a brat and keep going so i stopped and was asked to get out because it was too dangerous. i got out at about 10.45hrs. i was so upset.

on the boat it suddenly looked really wavey… in the sea it hadnt felt that bad and i could see why they had been worried. everyone was really nice to me.

when we got back to dover (after much public nudity and no energy to care) eric explained to me about how the first tide had taken me a long way east and that normally that would have been great because the second tide would take me back and further but that day the wind was unexpected and was against the tide so i wasnt far enough over and the tide was about to turn and sweep me off past france into random portions of europe so i had no chance at all. he was really lovely to me and did manage to make me feel a bit better but i do still feel like a massive failure 

1 day later i still feel pretty miserable, i know that there wont be another chance for me because of the cost, i had borrowed a lot of money to try this year (including weekend trips to dover and mini rolls etc it has been over £4500) and considering i wont start earning money until i am 29…. (am 26 now and have never worked due to degree then phd now medical degree) and for the first few years i will be struggling to pay back (fairly substantial) student and swimming debts and survive and then when money isnt a limiting factor time will be.

oh and talking of minirolls i think i only managed about 3… wasnt that interested becuase i was so focused on swimming. now we have a massive bag of treats…. my parents are v healthy and i am trying to loose my channel insulation……

anyway thankyou to everyone who has supported me, especially my parents, chris, andy, maggie mark and chris and freda.

I am so excited right now (mixed in with a good healthy dose of terror!) (so probably not terribly coherent) we are setting off for dover tommorow (still got no idea about the date of the swim but we are down for the whole week…)

i have been having really lovely short (30-60min) swims this week where it feels so good and i am just filled with happiness as i swim (sorry to be so  corny but i really am). I am really going to try to enjoy my swim and not get too stressed about it.

My crew are the fantastic people who will be looking after me and will consist of (in alphabetical order)

Andy Roer who is my friend from my phd days, he is coming all the way from edinburgh to support me and i am sure he will be v motivational

Arthur (not his real name… but what i call him) my dad, he is taking time off work to come and be a calming influence, he is the most positive person that i know (think 3x my bouncyness and enthusiasm)

Chris Murrils who is a fellow medical student at swansea and who is my housemate next accademic year, he is just generally fantastic!

and a random guy called Will who i havnt met yet, he is swimming later this year and wants to experience someone else’s attempt first i am sure he will be amazing!

Yesterday i saw Geth’s swim video, it was amazing and so motivational, it looks like he had a really good swim so well done to him! i just cant wait to get in there!

i will try to send round messages when i know when i am swimming and updates from my crew when i do swim but it is also possible to track the boat on the AIS service although this can be unreliable and not update sometimes so if i am not moving for hours dont assume i am really really really slow or that i have given up. I am swimming on Pathfinder with Eric Hartley (who has been so friendly and great with my endless questions, i am really looking forward to meeting him)

http://www.aisliverpool.org.uk/shiptrail.php?mmsi=235002085

I started trying to organise all my stuff, have everything sorted apart from the feeds and treats for my crew… am actually a bit embarrassed to buy them cos if on average i am feeding every half hour and have something like a miniroll each feed that could be 40minirolls…. that is v excessive!

this weekend was my last weekend at dover before the start of my tides next friday. On the saturday when i arrived the harbour was in chaos with people setting up for the regatta. It was also weird because the water was really far out, we were walking for quite some time getting in. we all had to be out of the water by 1pm and in the morning were only allowed to swim on the eastern side of the harbour because of the regatta but i had a really lovely 4 hour swim, the water was warm and towards the end it was quite bumpy which made it more interesting.

I was thinking about how nice it was to have some time to do nothing but think… all the time in my life now i am doing and i dont really get much thinking time (previously i have had lots of built in thinking time walking to uni or to school) and it is so good just to have a few hours where you cant do anything other than swim up and down and think about whatever pops into your head.

after my swim i realised what a fool i had been…. it had started to rain and for the first time ever (having emptied my car for moving house) i didnt have anything warm with me and no waterproofs either. i was wearing shorts, flipflops and a vest and felt really quite chilly. a quick trip to tescos and a £7 jumper later tho i was sorted! i stayed arround the harbour in the afternoon and watched part of the regatta – looked like fun!

i stayed at Penny Farthing b&b and it was totally lovely with one of the most comfortable beds i have ever slept in! i checked in at 4.30 and after a quick shower i was asleep by 5.30. i woke up at 8 and had my sandwich and then was back asleep by 9ish and slept throught to the morning – it was wonderful, i love sleeping!

On the sunday i did 3 hours and enjoyed every minute of it. After my swim Freda gave me a wonderful motivating talk and so when i left i felt much more positive (doubts had begun to creep in during the last week) i also left with her feeding plan and packing list.

I am feeling really excited about next week. whether i make it to france or not it should be a great day out.